This weekend, I attended a production of Beauty and the Beast. It was spectacular. The production quality was professional grade and the energy in the theater was high for opening night. 

I attended alone, and therefore my row companions were left at the mercy of whatever lucky ticket-holder purchased the seats to my left and right. To my left sat a sweet older couple. The wife’s untouched glass of white wine signified friendly patronage of the theater’s concession stand. The husband occasionally reached for his wife’s hand throughout the production, especially during the romantic numbers. They were lovely row companions and I’m grateful that I was able to somewhat shield them from what was going on to the right of me. 

A man, also on a date with a woman, was to my right. Immediately, I noticed he did not plan to concede his armrest to me at all, which is perfectly fine, he was a large man and his elbow slightly impeded on my space. I’m a tall person too and I understand how it’s hard to keep your limbs contained. Already, can you see how much grace and understanding I was willing to offer my row companion? 

The lights go down and the welcome speech is being made. I silence my phone and place it in my purse, under my seat. 

The man next to me has his phone in his hand. I have a clear view of it with just a glance over with my eyes. He checks his text messages, nothing. He checks his Instagram, nothing. He slides the volume and brightness bars down, okay we’re getting somewhere. 

If you’ve ever been to a live play before, you’ve heard their speech about phones and electronic devices during the performance. If you haven’t, I’ll give you a run down of the very basic etiquette rules of a live stage play. 

Silence notifications on your phones. Don’t talk on your phone during the performance. No video or audio recording or photography of any kind is permitted. 

While I will concede that this man followed those basic guidelines, I want to comment on how etiquette extends past what you’re explicitly told not to do, and should include how to behave when you’re in certain settings or participating in a public activity. 

This man did not put away his phone. He kept it in his hands almost the entire production, checking it periodically. Again, I had a good view of his phone from my seat. No one was texting him. He received one text the entirety of the show and responded immediately, while the performance was going on. 

What he did receive during the show were Instagram notifications. Each one of them triggering the flashlight notification setting to go off. You know that setting on the iPhone where you can have your phone flash the flashlight at you a few times when you receive a notification? It’s meant to be an aid for hard of hearing folks so they can visually see that they’re receiving a notification if they can’t hear their phone or feel it vibrate. He had that function turned on. It went off a number of times during the production. He put in very little effort to hide the flashlight notifications, and picked up his phone immediately each time it went off, even though what it was notifying him of was some random nothingness within the Instagram app. 

It would always be during the musical numbers that he would check his phone (still, no texts). This is what people are here to see. They’re here to witness these professional actors singing and dancing. 

This cast featured Broadway actors and highly skilled singers. These people are masters of their craft. They worked tirelessly to rehearse and perfect this performance for you, the paying ticket holder. 

Since he was sitting in the seat next to me, I assume he paid a similar price for his ticket that I did. 

Our tickets, the corporate sponsors of the theater and generous donors all pour funding into these productions, and it shows. This theater company routinely produces high-quality, well-funded musicals. 

And here you are, sir, dressed up, ticket paid for, yet none of this is good enough for you. This isn’t enough to capture your attention. 

These professional performers are literally singing and dancing for you, but Instagram is more interesting. 

I understand if musicals are not your thing. I totally get it. Not everyone enjoys theater or cares as much about it as I do. But you know where you are right now. You dressed up for the occasion. You bought the tickets. You heard the introductory speech about cell phone etiquette. 

You’re already here. You’re a part of the production now as an audience member. I know, you are so busy and important. You are too cool for school. You’re sighing loudly, huffy and impatiently awaiting the end of the show. 

If anything, read the room and allow the people around you to enjoy things. No one cares to hear you huff and puff with agitation. I was obviously enjoying myself right next to you, because I love this play and I love live performance. It’s almost as if you were insecure that the people around you were enjoying themselves because you felt understimulated. Perhaps you’re embarrassed that you don’t appreciate theater and the arts, so you turn to social media to validate your interests. 

You are certainly too cool, busy and important to enjoy a musical because your imaginary friends are sending you imaginary texts and your Instagram contains far more sophisticated content than what’s happening in front of you. I know, it’s impossible to stay off your phone.

To this man’s date, the beautiful woman he had next to him - girl, this is embarrassing for you. You’re with a grown man who can’t stand to put his phone away for two hours to be present on a date with you? You tolerate a man who disrespects the people around him? I once brought a boyfriend of mine to Fiddler on the Roof, probably the first musical this overgrown frat boy had willingly seen in his life, and even he behaved better than this. Though, judging by the handful of times these folks talked amongst themselves during the production, I can assess that they all lack the common courtesy and respect for etiquette this man displayed, so perhaps she didn’t care that her man was being embarrassing. 

Then, around the third act, this man decides that this is simply too boring for him to handle and he again opens Instagram. A video plays out loud on his phone. 

I am a very sweet, non-confrontational person in public. I hadn’t so much as turned my head his way up until this point, as I figured I’d enjoy myself more if I ignored him as best I could and focused on the production. However, when the video played out loud on his phone, I sighed a little. I turned my head to him and let out a quick sigh and turned away. 

Thankfully, after that, he behaved the rest of the evening. His phone remained tucked under his leg, no more flashlights, no more sighing. The show finished and was wonderful. The crowd rose for a standing ovation, while he remained seated. 

There was a time when people performing on stage was the ONLY form of entertainment available to the masses. Life would be nothing but work and toil until the opportunity to see someone sing and dance would gather everyone together to participate in a shared entertainment experience. 

People like this man want to silo themselves as a revered individual with their own niche interests and private network of people to converse with. He didn’t want to participate in a shared experience since it didn’t match what is interesting and stimulating to him. He’d rather appear disinterested, above his surroundings, than set aside his typical experiences to partake in something new and different. 

Sir, you purchased the ticket and dressed up to come here. You’re literally a part of this now. You’re the exact same as me in this moment, just one seat over. 

There is nothing wrong with putting down your phone for a few hours and focusing on what’s in front of you. I fear for people who cannot handle a lack of stimulation long enough to enjoy a novel experience. I fear for people who lack the self-awareness to display basic respect to the people they’re sharing a space with. Not to mention, the blatant disrespect to the rules of the theater, the actors onstage, and the booth behind us who might be able to see your flashlight strobing and distracting them. 

Again, I understand that some folks just don’t care about theater the same way that I do. But I implore you, if you are a person who cannot put down their phone for a couple of hours to focus on what’s in front of you, perhaps think about that. 

I noticed it on my way into the theater as well. I was with small group of people waiting for the elevator, and saw next to me a woman scrolling through the text messages on her phone. Again, no one was texting her. She was just scrolling to scroll. You can’t just be for one minute while we wait for the elevator without having to bury your face in your phone? 

Be present. Be respectful. Participate in what’s happening in front of you. Instagram will probably, much to my chagrin, always be there waiting to validate you. Validating yourself by being an active participant in life will provide you happiness, too, if you let it.